The Blamers

Sermon by

Reverend Nancy Bouchard

December 7, 2008

I have to thank Larry Martin for this morning’s sermon title. Larry was sharing some humorous stories about his very expressive family. He comes from a long line of finger pointers. The conversation begins with someone standing in your space and the minute the mouth starts to move, the index finger snaps out, pointed in the direction of the unsuspecting listener. And depending on the passion associated with the topic the finger might also engage in some furious shaking exercises. I had a whole different idea of finger pointing, one I see as a growing problem in our society. I connect finger pointing with a pattern of identity projection called scapegoating. Although not done with this intent in the Martin family, most often when a finger comes out pointing and shaking it’s in the direction of someone about to take a hit for something gone wrong.

Finger pointing happens most often in familiar and close relationships. In studies done on families but applicable to churches as well, there are different behavioral roles members assume.

There’s the lost child (usually invisible and no trouble)

the mascot (the achiever, upholding the family reputation)

the family clown (deflecting conflict with humor and antics)

and the scapegoat (the member who gets the blame or assumes a role of

the troubled). ¹

Scapegoats serve many purposes, they carry the blame for family problems, deflect responsibility for behavior and often they help maintain balance in the family system.

Here are some of the accusations you might have heard:” He causes me to drink, I wouldn’t gamble if she didn’t nag, that kid forces me into hitting him, you’re the reason I to eat too much. The list is endless of what “others” cause us to do.

Scapegoating can easily be an unconscious defense mechanism accompanied by self-deception. The “in denial” scapegoater will argue “I’m not blaming”, this person actually DOES create problems.”

It should come as no surprise there can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, the scapegoat can certainly assume the role of trouble maker. Scapegoating is an interesting and complex behavior, with at least two distinctive characteristics; the human shadow and a determination to keep things the same, predictable, stable. The first axis is related to the dark side of our personalities. This is the place where our imperfections and our demons live behind the scenes. It might be self doubt, fears, baggage from past experiences and associated emotions. These are usually well hidden from others and many times from ourselves the shadow hangs back.

We’re all of us invested in putting our best foot forward, showing people our enlightened side, therefore we work very hard to keep the dark side under control.

However if the shadow happens to appear…most often unexpectedly, finger pointing, blaming or scapegoating, offer a convenient way of distracting and denying ownership of a less socially acceptable behavior.

Maybe you recall a story written by Scottish writer Robert Lois Stevenson, The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. This story spoke volumes about the duality of the human personality. One sip of a potion and slowly the transformation occurred. Dr. Jekyll went from a socially acceptable, well balanced man to an overindulgent, careless, evil human being disguised as a Mr. Hyde.

When confronted about his association with such an objectionable character, Jekyll understands he might be exposed so he shows his friends a letter supposedly written by Hyde. In the note Hyde apologizes for all the trouble he has caused and he promises to sever the friendship with Dr. Jekyll. Of course, Dr. Jekyll has to go into seclusion. A concerned brother and friend break into the laboratory where they find Hyde’s ugly body dressed in Dr. Jekyll’s clothing. In a letter of explanation, Jekyll describes his periodic yearning to be free of his conscience, free of social and moral responsibilities, expectations and obligations. But he lost control of the shadow, the dark side of his personality. The “freed, uninhibited man” became the ruler and the destroyer.

Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung researched the experience described in the story of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in his analysis of the psyche. Jung believed we all have a socially sculpted and appropriate persona and a shadow persona with dark and contradictory characteristics. Jung observed that most people work very hard to polish their personal assets and protect the efforts of their ambitious ego. But his research confirmed hiding the opposite of our virtues often causes personality imbalance. I suspect many of us have seen our own dark side on occasion or been surprised, in fact blown away, when we learn of the shadow of people we thought we knew. Friends arrested for domestic violence, relatives charged with embezzlement, neighbors accused of sexual assault or others close to us suddenly displaying their Mr. Hyde. Maybe like Dr. Jekyll we have watched ourselves slowly sinking into the abyss of darkness, guilt, shame, the emotions haunting us any time we flirt with our imperfection.

I remember my dark side showing itself one day as I waited in line at the airport to go through customs. A couple had been cutting the line and the rumble was coming increasingly closer to where I was standing. Suddenly a woman who looked like Bea Arthur accompanied by a meek looking man placed a million pieces of luggage in front of ours.

I was already frustrated, the vacation had been expensive and not that exciting, we arrived to a crowded airport and I was fearful we were going to miss our flight. Now here was some nervy woman pushing her way around. Without any advance notice and with vengeance I have never experienced, my “Mr. Hyde” took over. I grabbed several pieces of their luggage and went running off down the line. People cheered me as I passed them but loudest was my stunned partner screaming for me to stop. Well, stop I did, suddenly surrounded by airport security. The couple accused me of stealing their luggage but the crowd came to my defense. Security sent the people on their way with their luggage and severely reprimanded me for my actions.

I had never seen that shadow so clearly but I know I had repressed anger over several serious matters that had occurred in the last several years. Yet, despite the evidence that it existed this couple became the target of all my pent up feelings, they were my scapegoat. They had led me to outrageous behavior, including the few to many drinks I had during our flight.

We are creative us human beings when it comes to protecting the “self.” Going as far back as humankind there have been rituals to relieve and redeem us of behaviors that are inconsistent with the usual or perceived persona. As part of Yom Kippur ceremonies, a goat carrying the sins of individuals and the community was banished into the wilderness to perish. Carrying off the bad behaviors the community would return to that point of homeostasis and everyone could continue to act as though nothing really happened or changed. The word scapegoat (although a mistranslation) now refers to an innocent person blamed for the shadow side behaviors of others.

The second axis is keeping things stable, the same, and manageable. Dr. Edwin Friedman relays a wonderful tale summarized to explain this process. It all takes place in a fish tank where a scavenger fish works day and night to keep the bottom of the tank clear from all the excrements of the other fish. Everyone is happy to allow the scavenger to handle all the work and they praise and support the worker. They are pleased there is no need for them to change their habits or be responsible. One day, however, the scavenger confronts the fish about their behavior. The scavenger asks the others to help, change their behavior, to take responsibility. No one comes forward despite the repeated requests, and so, the scavenger just stops cleaning. The guppies who have hung together in a school start to swim separately, the gold fish become very lethargic, the sea horse loses its S shape, the angel fish become aggressive. The environment is unstable, but rather than assume some responsibility for cleaning, the fish collectively gang up on the scavenger.

Excluded from fish play, isolated, ganged up on and at other times the victim of their abuse, the scavenger gives in and resumes the role, despite its best efforts to change.

The guppies start to swim in a school, the gold fish zip around, the seahorse uncurls into the S shape and the angel fish are saintly acting once again.

In human terms scapegoats help the community feel harmonious, and, in fact self righteous. Scapegoats allow everyone to act in the same way, no change necessary! And with an identified enemy, there is solidarity.

Human beings are so complex. We are a tapestry of emotions, personality, familial history, cognitive ability, behaviors, perception, education, physiology, neurology, anatomy, and more. We are determined and work hard to be intentional about our lives, to look deep within, to come to know who we are. Yet the mirror really only shows us what we know.

Here’s where it important to be reminded that not a one of us is perfect. Many of us have engaged in behaviors we regret, we hurt people, we hurt ourselves. We have blamed others for our shortcomings, participated in the scapegoating of another human, and avoided the reality of our own shadow or our collective shadows.

As your spiritual leader I am called upon to encourage all of us to examine our lives in the context of scapegoating. Maybe you are the scapegoat and it is time to look at the environment you’re in and change it-knowing of course that like the fish you will be pressured to return to the old ways. Maybe you are part of a scapegoat “enforcement team,” …in your family, in your group of friends, in church or workplace. Consider that somewhere in your life someone is likely being blamed for far more than they deserve, it might be to help you avoid your dark side or maybe this person has been relegated to keeping the environment as is... no change please!

And so I repeat some important parts of this mornings reading and lessons for all of us to keep in mind.

Be remind that we need to open our ears to what we say, we need to open our eyes to how we act, and we need to own and speak the truth of who we are, on our good days and our bad, at our best and at our worst. We may even need to acknowledge that change is needed and it won’t happen if we keep the scapegoat hostage.

May our ears hear
what nobody wants to hear

May our eyes see
what everyone wants to hide

May our mouths speak
our true faces and hearts.

Blessed Be Shalom, Om Namah Shivia, Amen

Resource Generation to Generation, Edwin Friedman
Resource: Owning Your Own Shadow, Robert A. Johnson